Gravity and God
December 6, 2010
This Pilgrim on the Journey of life began to understand God through gravity. As a toddler, like all toddlers, I fell down a lot taking my first baby steps. As the learning process advanced, I began to feel a strange connection to "something" that was part of the process of learning to walk. I had to "negotiate" with that something every step of the way. A presence seemed to be there giving me non-verbal "clues" that were teaching me how to walk. A baby knows nothing about gravity, he has few words yet to describe anything. A baby is as close to pure "soul" as one gets to be this side of Heaven. Mom and Dad help baby to go the fist few steps, but most the walking skill is mainly self-taught, and it is a real challenge to the little walker in all of us, trying to self-propel,learning literally to self-motivate.
The biggest problem with learning to walk is the falling down that's involved. My baby mind conceived a nice long walk to the kitchen, where the food is, but three steps and -boom- down I went! Get up and try again,head toward the kitchen, although "kitchen" isn't what you go towards as a toddler first learning to walk, you go toward wherever the smell of food takes you, or where the feeling of love is, in the form you call "mama". But something is keeping you from getting there. That something makes you fall DOWN, time after time after time. Without fail. DOWN. Every time.
It's at this point in the process of learning to walk that a pattern forms in my mind that will stay with me to this very day. Instead of using the repetitive "struggle and fail continually fall down until finally walking is achieved" method, or "sitting and crying delaying the learning" method, I used the "sit and think about this" method.Problem was, though, the longer I sat and thought abut it, the scared-er I got. I kept looking UP to see WHO was there pushing me DOWN all the time! But NO one was there! But there HAD to be SOMEONE, I thought. Someone is always picking me UP! When "up"is happening to me it's ALWAYS "someone" who looks a little like me, to take me "up"! The furry thing(the cat) doesn't do it, the "stuff" around me doesn't move, never takes me "up". Just things like "me". I kept looking up but no one was there. Scare-eeee!!! THEN I started to cry! And, of course, THEN someone would pick me up! Which still didn't help me get further along in the learning to walk project. I wanted to walk on my own!!
Where the next thought came from I can't explain,but it was the scariest thought of all. I reasoned that whatever was always pushing me DOWN,the thing I couldn't see, could some day decide to just let me fall UP instead! I cried and I cried, and I looked for things that were rooted to the ground to hang on to. I cried when I was outside and away from the trees. Picnics were HORRIBLE (too far away from the TREES!). I stayed close to Mom and Dad. If I fall up, I'll grab on to them and we'll ALL fall up together! I was TERRIFIED to LOOK UP!! SO FAR AWAY!! It was like vertigo in reverse! I hoped my house was firmly rooted to the ground. When inside, at least I didn't have to look at that scary, infinite UP!! I learned to walk( inside, of course). Outside, however, my knees would start shaking and I was just SO scared I would suddenly fall UP, that I just was a mess! The HUGE INFINITE "SOMETHING" !!!! WAITING to take me UP!! Walk, but , whatever you do, DON'T LOOK UP !!
This condition lasted about a year, I suppose. Could have been longer or shorter; what is "time" to a little soul? The way this fear finally got resolved in my mind was just as mysterious as the way it came about in the first place. Mom told me about "God" and she pointed UP!!! Every time she talked about God she pointed up! EVERY time( she still does to this day,and she's nearly 90 years old!). I think now that God makes her finger point up, but that's getting ahead of the story. Slowly, slowly, the thought crept int my mind that "God" was somehow connected to Mom, to me, to people. I realized that Mom was LIKE God.And God was like Mom, and Mom was like me. And Mom loved me.
The next day, I woke up, and I sensed somehow that my fear of the sky was gone. I had to test this new feeling of fearlessness. The burden of GRAVITY had been literally weighing on my mind for as long as I could remember. It was a primordial fear. And something as equally primordial had suffused my little soul with a new "something" that required that I "test" it's TRUTH, it's FAITHFULNESS, it's LOVE. I went outside, eyes to the ground, looking for trees(just in case). I saw a patch of sunlight, in an open field. I took a deep breath, and ran to the sunlight, not looking up. I laid down on my back, eyes still closed. The moment of TRUTH. "Take me or let me stay", I said. I would know whether God was real or not. All I had to do was open my eyes. I spread my arms out, clutching the grass. I let go of the grass. And opened my eyes. No fear. Only Love. I was in balance. I could walk without fear. I could walk with Love. He is there. He is listening. He is Love. And He Loves me. Gravity and God. No fear.
The biggest problem with learning to walk is the falling down that's involved. My baby mind conceived a nice long walk to the kitchen, where the food is, but three steps and -boom- down I went! Get up and try again,head toward the kitchen, although "kitchen" isn't what you go towards as a toddler first learning to walk, you go toward wherever the smell of food takes you, or where the feeling of love is, in the form you call "mama". But something is keeping you from getting there. That something makes you fall DOWN, time after time after time. Without fail. DOWN. Every time.
It's at this point in the process of learning to walk that a pattern forms in my mind that will stay with me to this very day. Instead of using the repetitive "struggle and fail continually fall down until finally walking is achieved" method, or "sitting and crying delaying the learning" method, I used the "sit and think about this" method.Problem was, though, the longer I sat and thought abut it, the scared-er I got. I kept looking UP to see WHO was there pushing me DOWN all the time! But NO one was there! But there HAD to be SOMEONE, I thought. Someone is always picking me UP! When "up"is happening to me it's ALWAYS "someone" who looks a little like me, to take me "up"! The furry thing(the cat) doesn't do it, the "stuff" around me doesn't move, never takes me "up". Just things like "me". I kept looking up but no one was there. Scare-eeee!!! THEN I started to cry! And, of course, THEN someone would pick me up! Which still didn't help me get further along in the learning to walk project. I wanted to walk on my own!!
Where the next thought came from I can't explain,but it was the scariest thought of all. I reasoned that whatever was always pushing me DOWN,the thing I couldn't see, could some day decide to just let me fall UP instead! I cried and I cried, and I looked for things that were rooted to the ground to hang on to. I cried when I was outside and away from the trees. Picnics were HORRIBLE (too far away from the TREES!). I stayed close to Mom and Dad. If I fall up, I'll grab on to them and we'll ALL fall up together! I was TERRIFIED to LOOK UP!! SO FAR AWAY!! It was like vertigo in reverse! I hoped my house was firmly rooted to the ground. When inside, at least I didn't have to look at that scary, infinite UP!! I learned to walk( inside, of course). Outside, however, my knees would start shaking and I was just SO scared I would suddenly fall UP, that I just was a mess! The HUGE INFINITE "SOMETHING" !!!! WAITING to take me UP!! Walk, but , whatever you do, DON'T LOOK UP !!
This condition lasted about a year, I suppose. Could have been longer or shorter; what is "time" to a little soul? The way this fear finally got resolved in my mind was just as mysterious as the way it came about in the first place. Mom told me about "God" and she pointed UP!!! Every time she talked about God she pointed up! EVERY time( she still does to this day,and she's nearly 90 years old!). I think now that God makes her finger point up, but that's getting ahead of the story. Slowly, slowly, the thought crept int my mind that "God" was somehow connected to Mom, to me, to people. I realized that Mom was LIKE God.And God was like Mom, and Mom was like me. And Mom loved me.
The next day, I woke up, and I sensed somehow that my fear of the sky was gone. I had to test this new feeling of fearlessness. The burden of GRAVITY had been literally weighing on my mind for as long as I could remember. It was a primordial fear. And something as equally primordial had suffused my little soul with a new "something" that required that I "test" it's TRUTH, it's FAITHFULNESS, it's LOVE. I went outside, eyes to the ground, looking for trees(just in case). I saw a patch of sunlight, in an open field. I took a deep breath, and ran to the sunlight, not looking up. I laid down on my back, eyes still closed. The moment of TRUTH. "Take me or let me stay", I said. I would know whether God was real or not. All I had to do was open my eyes. I spread my arms out, clutching the grass. I let go of the grass. And opened my eyes. No fear. Only Love. I was in balance. I could walk without fear. I could walk with Love. He is there. He is listening. He is Love. And He Loves me. Gravity and God. No fear.
Posted by Matt Kimble.
